How to talk to your child about screen time without starting a fight

Setting screen time limits and creating a healthy boundary with your child’s device. We discuss some ways to reduce screen time without arguments.

In the age of smartphones and the seemingly endless amounts of digital technology, it can often feel like we are always looking at a screen. From TVs to tablets to smartphones to laptops, even fridges! Screens rule the modern-day world. With children being raised around these screens, it is important to encourage balance between reel life and real life, but when they’re so addicted to the screens, how can this be done without starting an argument?

We commissioned a survey of nearly 25,000 participants (both parents and children) from all around the world (UK, Germany, US, Australia, India and UAE)¹ and found out that 52% of children worldwide feel addicted to their screens. This highlights the need for screentime controls and monitoring.

How much screen time should my child be allowed?

Whilst conducting the informative Better Phone Project sessions we spoke to Professor Gloria Mark, the Chancellor’s Professor of Informatics at the University of California. Professor Mark has spent two decades researching human attention span, including how technology has affected it. Attention spans are at a record low, with the median attention span being just 40 seconds long, a number that has fallen significantly since the introduction of handheld devices according to Professor Mark. Professor Mark also speaks on the importance of protecting a child’s attention span, especially through screen time management.

If you’re unsure how much time your child should be spending on their devices, here is what Professor Mark recommended during her Better Phone Project session:

• Children under two years old – NO screen time
• Children between two and five years old – One hour maximum of screen time
• Children older than five years old – Choose a small limit and ENFORCE it.

6 tips for talking to your child about screen time

We’ve all been there, you gently suggest it’s time to turn off the tablet, and suddenly you're met with a meltdown. Navigating screen time with kids can feel like a constant battle but this post isn’t about banning devices or becoming the screen-time police. It’s about learning how to encourage a healthier and more realistic balance. Here are six tips we have collated:

1. Curiosity, not criticism
2. Have a two-way conversation
3. Put emphasis on balance
4. Set a routine as opposed to rules
5. Keep calm and keep consistent
6. Have the information to explain the why

Curiosity, not criticism: Talking about screen time without conflict

When dealing with screen time, you can start by creating a comfortable environment where children feel like they can be honest about their screen time. This starts by asking caring questions instead of accusatory statements like “You’ve been on your phone too long”. Examples of this could include:

• “Wow, you love watching that show, what do you love about it?”
• “How are you feeling after using your screen for a while? Do you feel like you need a break?”

These questions allow the conversation to remain light and avoids your children feeling like they must defend their actions. The open-ended questions also help you understand their experience and show that you’re not just there to lecture. When kids feel seen and heard, they’re far more likely to engage in conversation (and eventually, compromise).

Have a two-way conversation: Setting screen time rules WITH your child’s input

When creating rules, a child may respond better if they feel as if they created the rules with you. This kind of collaborative approach gives kids a sense of ownership over the rules, which makes them more likely to follow them. It also teaches valuable skills around self-regulation and compromise. Examples of questions you could ask to help gain your child’s input could include:

• “How much screen time do you think is reasonable during the week?”
• “What other things do we need to make time for each day?”
• “What should the consequence be if screen time gets in the way of other responsibilities?”

Put emphasis on balance: Balancing screen time, not removing it

Avoiding that all-or-nothing thinking gives kids a framework to start managing their own habits. If they feel something they want is being taken away, they’re more likely to feel the need to start an argument. Examples of phrases you could use could include:

• “Let’s make sure there’s still time for other things you enjoy, like being outside, playing, reading, or just relaxing without screens.”
• “Screens are fun, but your brain and body need variety too.”

When they understand that screen time isn’t being taken away, just balanced out, they may be more receptive to the change and balance.

Set a routine as opposed to rules: Create a screen time routine for children

Routine is one of the ultimate routes to success in the circumstance. If your child is expecting 1 hour of screen time after school before having to do homework or 20 minutes of screentime after dinner as a constant thing, it becomes part of the day and is less likely to start an argument because it is expected. Routines also support better regulation without you needing to be the screen-time police every day.

Keep calm and keep consistent: keeping the limits enforced

Especially if you haven’t enforced a screen time standard from the beginning, you may be met with a small amount of pushback that is more-often-than-not unavoidable. When you are met with this, it is important to keep calm and keep consistent, don’t fold under the pressure to just give in. To provide some stability to the conversation, some things you might be able to say could include:

• “I get that it’s hard to stop something you’re enjoying.”
• “We talked about this and agreed on the plan, let’s stick to it.”

Consistency shows that you mean what you say, and over time, it builds trust. It also helps your child understand that limits are a form of care and not punishment.

Have the information to explain why: Helping kids understand screen time limits

One thing kids like to do (especially the older ones) is ask “why?”. Instead of giving the classic “because I said so” response, give them the reasoning behind the screen time controls because there are some great reasons! You could consider saying:

• “Too much screen time, especially before bed, makes it harder for your brain to switch off and get good sleep.”
• “Spending time doing other things, like reading, moving your body, or playing outside, helps keep you healthy and happy."
• “It’s okay to enjoy screens, but it’s also important to know when to take a break.”

These kinds of explanations encourage critical thinking and help your child take responsibility for their own wellbeing.

It doesn’t just stop at screen time

The goal isn’t to cut out screens entirely or achieve perfect balance overnight. It’s about building ongoing conversations with your child that are rooted in empathy, respect, and consistency. We hope this article has acted as a piece of inspiration for how to best do this.

We have lots of great articles on the effects of smartphones on teens and children and you can read more here: https://www.hmd.com/blog/category/better-phone-project